Purpose

I do not have a higher purpose in life. It makes me jealous when people find their "calling," because it seems like mine does not exist. I had it all figured out once, I was going to change things, I was going to fix hundreds of years of mistakes, I was going to save the planet, save humanity. I was going to change things. Now I look at these people that do not want to be saved, and lose hope. So many people are dreamers, they had these same big plans and they have not changed anything. There has been small victories, sure, but everyone is focusing on different little things. I could care less about changing a little thing because none of that shit matters in the long run. I want to save humanity, but what am I? but humanity. I can not save humanity from itself, I can not save me from myself. If it were possible it would have happened. Knowing that it is all doomed makes everything else seem trivial. Now that everything is trivial, the things that were to me once trivial, and needed to be done are now just an annoying little process I go through. It is all just a motion, I am just stalling. I am not going to do anything with my life because there is nothing to be done. I am sure I will be successful, do something, "great," but I do not think I am going to find what I am looking for. It does not exist. I am not depressed, I usually enjoy myself, I have a good life, better than most. I am just having trouble finding purpose, seeing meaning in anything. I mean, maybe it is a good thing, that I am starting to realize this now.