The future aint what it used to be.

I don't know what to say to make any of this make sense. I feel like I am chasing somebody else's dream, accomplishing somebody else's goals, and pursuing somebody elses passion. Four years of study has taught me that I hate Biology. Four years of academics has shown me that I do not want to waste my time "learning." And it doesn't even matter. I will walk in May, but I doubt I am ready.

Sustainability

The level of confusion I feel towards my life has never before been at the level it has reached in these past seven weeks. I normally have a breakdown right about now, because I am starting to feel trapped and insignificant, but that happened last weekend, someone got a lot of really sad and pathetic text messages to deal with. This time though its not because I don't know what to do with my life, or that I'm stressed about money, or I wonder what it would be like to have a unbroken family, or I'm overwhelmed. All these things are true, but I could not care less about them right now. My eyes have been opened, my world has been shattered, and nobody else seems to care or notice or even hear me out. Anyway where I am right now I am worried about the future, but the future is not what it used to be. I am worried about peak oil and economic collapse. I am worried about coping with a future that nobody has seen coming, a future that is too late to avoid, the end of growth. The human race has been promising and striving for infinite growth in a finite world. This is a problem. You see nature exists in a cyclical fashion, while human growth is linear. We transform resources into waste and do nothing with the waste. I used to worry about climate change and protecting the environment, but honestly, financial collapse and a global energy crisis will slam us first. Its rough to explain, but then end of the story is that, I have been wasting my time in college and the future we were promised is not a possibility. And now I just do not know how to continue living my life. I am currently in a stage of depression, denial, and self pity. Why must I deal with the mistakes of people before me? More to come.

In the air

There is something big coming. I wish I had a purpose in life.