perhaps it is a forewarning

It seems like lately all I do is put my ideas down on paper. It is beginning to get hard to recall the last time I talked to someone, truly talked to someone. Yes I chat with people all the time share stories, sometimes share ideas, but we are careful to avoid each others toes. We formulate everything we say to sound the least offensive it can. In conversation we tend to be overly concerned with the others person’s thoughts and their reactions to our words. On paper there is no way to foresee what kind of reaction we will evoke. We can speculate as to how it will be received but we have no signals to stop. We can not look at the facial expression of the reader and snatch our words away as we see their jaw tense, because their response to that action would still be unfavorable. The written word is brutal honesty, almost permanent. It is true that some people think of their readers, their desired audience as they write, but I do not. I have no desired audience, I write for myself, it is soothing, getting the ideas out, the motion of my hand guiding the pen or my hands on the keys, it is pure relaxation. I love to stare at a blank page and know that I can turn it into whatever I want, a reflection of myself, an elaborate story. The best part is I can be as offensive as I want; I am not forcing people to read it. I have no desired audience, aside from my blog, and papers I turn in for class, I am the only person who reads my words, and I am not easily offended. I would not say I am a good writer, I do not usually have anything really interesting to say when I write, I mean, I am writing about writing right now. My attempts at creative writing and fiction usually remain just attempts. My non fiction is whiny, but still I feel the urge to do it and I am really enjoying it. However, I feel like I am running out of things to say. That is why I am going to attempt to write more exciting things. I already write about stuff I think about everyday, but I am going to start writing about stuff I remember everyday, the future, stuff I imagine, and more dreams. It is just when I put what is in my head on paper or in type my mind seems less crowded, and I feel more relaxed.