I figured it out

So I was reading my desk today, my desk is covered in song lyrics and quotes written in sharpie, and I realized what I was trying to tell myself on New Years. I was just reading stuff I had written the summer before senior year and came across this quote, "It is only after we've lost everything that we are free to do anything." I get it now. Everything is holding me back. All the material things I own, all the superficial stuff I claim I enjoy, all the roles I am trying to play, holding me back. I am not saying that I must lose all these ties, but maybe its time to start letting some go. It is like whenever I put my heart to something, something in my head is like but, think of what this person will think. I am not talking about ignoring my conscious, or forgetting about peoples feelings, I am just saying I do not want to convince myself with my warped guilt soaked logic not to do the things I want to do anymore. I originally said I was telling myself that I need to stop hesitating, stop thinking so much, just go with my raw reflexes. I realized this to be kind of selfish and I am trying to not be selfish, but more importantly I realized that going with raw reflexes is naive more than it would be freeing. It would probably get me into trouble and in turn cause me to become more stuck. Here it is the product of three days of thought, and one day of crazy, it is my new years resolution, it is not that good and it is extremely vague, it had to be vague or it might hold me back; Hesitate only when more is at stake then superficial comforts. Basically it means that only when something truly important is at stake of being lost, such as family or mortality, should I need to hesitate past assessing what the situation may cause me to lose. It makes sense, to me.