Just looking for closure

I still have not forgiven you, I told you I did. I told myself I could forgive you, I tried to convince myself I forgave you. I have not, I may never be able to forgive you. I do not hate you, but I pretty much blame you for her death. I mean, I blame myself too, and I have not forgiven myself either. I want to believe it was not her fault, I know people always say there is nothing you could have done, blah blah, she was just really depressed, blah blah, but I know I could have done something, and if I could have done something, you could of done more. You lived with her, you were her "significant other," I only saw her on weekends, generally, thanks to the custody agreement. When we were there she did not seem sad at all, I mean, I could tell she was drinking more, and I noticed how sad she was when we went home, but in my defense, I always told her to stop drinking. I always dumped out her alcohol, made sure she did not take her pills, and what did you do? You replaced the alcohol I dumped out and did not even flinch as she took pills and washed it down with a shot. You set her up, because you were selfish. She was better off poor and happy, but you made her move into your big new house. You wrecked her. She was never an alcoholic, you made her an alcoholic. I blame you for that, I told you I did not, but that was because I felt bad for you, you blamed yourself, I thought it was enough for you to blame yourself. It is not, I need to blame you too. I need to blame you, so I can stop blaming myself.