I ain’t asking for redemption and this ain’t no cry for help

Here is the thing about happiness and good luck, it is really boring. No one cares to hear about how awesome my life is going, and I do not feel the need to speak of it. It annoys me, this good luck I am having. When I am having a really shitty time all I do is complain about how I never catch a break, then I catch a break and miss the struggle, the pressure, the fight. I like to be happy, but I am only happy about being happy, when I am also struggling. It makes sense to me. I think not having an easy time makes me happy, maybe. I am just nervous because I caught a break and I am worried I am going to sabotage myself soon to make life more interesting. I mean, like when shit goes my way it is just, you know, to easy. It gets boring, I get to comfortable. So I want something minor, perhaps, to not go my way, so I can have a challenge. It obviously is not going to come from academics, the only thing not super easy is chem, but I pretty much wrote that off as something I just need to pass, and its easy to shoot for a D. I am so fucked up, right now, I am actually hoping something will go wrong or get hard.