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I am looking for something. I cannot seem to find it. It is killing me, I feel its absence when I never even felt its presence. I do not think I lost something, but I know I do not have something. I do not know what I am even looking for, or where to look. I am really really really sad about it, but I do not know why. It is seriously killing me. I mean I am happy but really I am not, not right now. I am lost maybe. I feel so... blank? I definitly do not have purpose, motivation, or goals anymore. I mean I am not pathetic I have goals not sucsess orientatied goals though. My goals are like, "dress like a bum and try out matresses." I just do not know what to do with my life anymore. I use to know, but then I realized it dosent matter what I do, no one will ever even care. So now I am kind of like fuck it, but with a purpose. hah it makes sense. right?