Three months

I am unsure if I have ever said this before, but people are beautiful. I am so proud of a majority of the people I have choosen to let into my life. They are going out and doing amazing things. And it is really difficult for me to swallow the jealousy building inside of me. It is really hard for me to stay, while everyone else gets to go. I would be lying if I said I did not check the rideshare board on craigslist and thought all but seriously about replying to some of the offers for one way trips to Tronto, Arizona, or Florida multiple times a week. Who am I kidding, I know I have said this before. There is something about winter that ignites wanderlust inside of me and this, combined with the adventures so many are on, is nearly unbearable. Everything is growing too familiar. I find it nessecary to list the reasons why I am staying to myself daily to be sure that I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing after all. The biggest reason is to get my head above water, pay off some debt. And its hard for me to comprehend. Its disgusting how hard it is for me to understand. The second largest reason is to finish my medical screening and finacial paperwork and other paperwork. It is a lot. A whole lot. And the final reason Im staying in flint instead of running for the sun is guilt. My family has not seen too much of me over the past four years and it is quite possibly going to be the last chance some of them have. Two years is a long time, twenty seven months is a bit longer. Being in Flint right now is the responsible decision and it is probably the only viable way for me to prepare for service. It is just so difficult for me to convince myself that the end justifys the means, but in this case I have no doubt that in three months I will be on the biggest adventure of my entire life. The weirdest part is that I feel ashamed to tell my coworkers that I graduated from college and that I have had the oppurtunity that so many of them would do anything to get. It hurts so bad to think that some of them may think I am wasting my education. It is just really difficult convincing myself that I am doing the right thing. I am doing the right thing.