Speck

I bought a winter coat in high school. Brown, heavy fabric, faux fur lined, it fit my personality at the time. I remember buying it, it cost me nearly a hundred dollars at The Buckle, which may or may not be BKE now? Anyway the point here is that the woman who checked me out, was chatting about how much she liked the jacket as well, and how high quality it was, basic stuff retail employees are suppose to talk about, and she said at one point, "Yeah, it will probably last you forever, the last jacket you'll ever need to buy." Two weeks into my freshman year of college I bought a 300 dollar North Face. The moral of the story is vague, but ultimately, "the last jacket I would ever need," is sitting in my closet down state gathering a fine layer of dust. This is a round about way of of arriving at the cynical sounding point of this post, nothing is forever. Growing up I remember countless instances of talking about, "when we're older," with multiple different sets of best friends forever. I remember talking about going away to the same universities and trips we would take, "we'll go sky diving," "stand atop Mt. Rainer," "Drive to the coast." I remember promising to always keep in touch, exchanging addresses, and promising that nothing would ever change between us. Things change and I have lost touch with almost all of the people I made those promises to, there are a couple of exceptions, people I haven't lost touch with and I mean beyond the occasional like on Facebook, but these people I can count on one hand. And things are not the way we said they would be. I honestly believe this is the way things generally go, it is the reason high schools host reunions or used to at least, it is to see where everyone has gotten themselves in life. But eventually people stop going off in the world, they stop losing touch, they establish, reconnect, and they buy the "last house they'll ever need." People start to landscape, plant trees, buy pools, renovate, and invest. This is the permanent address I am so often asked for on forms. I can't see it. I don't want it. My friends are one by one falling into careers. I asked someone how long they planned on working at their new job, and they told me, "until I retire." I nearly puked. I have worked seasonally for my entire life and I see no solid reason to quit living my life this way. Temporary employment, temporary housing, temporary coworkers, and temporary friends. I think that is just the life I am suited for. I will just live seasonally until I find a reason to do anything differently. I have no desire to own a home, or a car, or really anything. Nothing is permanent, it is just an illusion of human perception. I could own a home on a plot of land that I also own, but when I die it just goes to somebody else anyway right? Just like my friends, when I leave they just go to somebody else. I might as well just be as fleeting as everything else is, no matter how hard we attempt to believe it is not. Human life is insignificant. The existence of the human species is insignificant in the scope of time. The existence of planet earth is insignificant in the scope of time. And you are worried about edging your lawn? I just do not have the time or energy to invest in staking out a temporary claim of temporary goods on a temporary planet. Id rather just borrow everyone else's stuff and have the best time I can, while it lasts. Your future is getting shorter by the second.