redemption

I never did it for the rush, or because I wanted something really bad, or because I could not afford to buy something. I always just did it because I knew I could, knew no one would notice, knew it did not change a thing. It is not like I was being selfish, in a way, to me, I was fighting oppression, fighting the system, like I said it was not about wanting things. I had rules, I had so many rules. Never tell people you steal especially the ones you are with, Nothing over fifty dollars, never more than one thing from every store, never go back into a store on the same day, never get friends in trouble, never from a non-chain store, never from the mall, never take food, never something too easy to steal, never something I actually wanted, and if I ever got caught I would have to confess. I would steal all kinds of stuff and I had techniques. Clothes were easy, just put it on and leave. Everything at Claire's would go in a jacket pocket when reaching for something else. Stores like Wal~Mart, Target, and K-Mart were not even an effort. Walgreen's was always hard because of the glass on the back wall, but I would just slip stuff down my sleeves. Movies just have to be taken out of the case, books can almost be carried out in hand, cups and plates from restaurants put in to-go boxes boxes. It was easy and relaxing in some twisted way, that is until I started breaking the rules. I started not only stealing for people but I was with them while I stole, I broke the fifty dollar rule, I stole from the mall, I stole multiple things at once, I made trips back into stores, and worse of all I stole from a non-chain store. Last January I said I would never steal again. Two days ago I stole a pair of earrings, and I have never in my life felt so shitty. I did not need them, but I just wanted to steal them, but it was not relaxing how it used to be, it was terrible. But last night before work I actually took them back and snuck them back into the store. I have never felt so proud of myself.