This blogging is getting excessive

No one is available to talk to right now. Here I go. 1) I hate lists; to much structure, over demanding, and the imply some sort of urgency, but really they are mindless babbling. 2) Do not call me weird, I am not overly energetic, I love being outside, holy fucking shit. I love walking through waist deep water running up a sandy hill just to jump around on cliffs. So its not manic depression, I am happy when I am outside, and I am sad when I am inside. I am energetic when I am outside, I am bored and tired when I am inside. Those are not mood swings, just preferences. 3) I have not dreamed since Friday night, lately its like I close my eyes and open them, no time passes, and that is fucking weird, also I wake up at seven o' clock every morning, and I just brush my teeth and go back to bed. None of that has any significance, but I do not have anyone to talk to right now. 4) I have to study for bio, What the hell is that about. 5) I can not wait to drop all this fucking pointless nonsense and do something that matters, go hiking. 6) I think that I am subconsciously trying to sabotage myself for like the 7000th time, I am seriously debating going to English tomorrow, and hey if I am not going to English I might as well not go to NAS. I have not taken a single word of notes in Biology and I spent the last chem lecture trying to skip rocks to the island at picnic rocks. Side note, I accomplished that task. 7) I am so fucking materialistic right now. I keep "needing" shit I do not need, hiking gear. I mean honestly the whole sport is a fucking contradiction, camping its all a contradiction. Let me spend 1000 bucks on this, but these maps, apply for these permits, to drop out of culture for a week. Gear costs so much money, too bad I NEED it 8) I really wish I were sleeping right now, also I hope I can dream tonight. 9) Avatar was an amazing movie, and if i did not become so damn pessimistic and cynical, it might have inspired me. I mean it gets pretty deep. Maybe it will inspire me someday, not the movie, the ideas. 10) I wish I could just be happy, I do not even know if that is possible anymore, to just be happy. Anyone know? 11)I am sad, but I do not know why, I had a good day. I think its just because it is night and I am alone, and I am reminiscing about my day, while thinking of how obnoxious tomorrow is going to be. 12)I thought I was close to figuring out a life purpose/higher being, that is what all those trust me blogs were about, but it obviously did not work out, so I think I am going to just give up. 13) I still can not say no, and worse I can not stop offering before I am asked. 14) I tried to capitalize 14. You cant do that. 14 becomes !$ and that is pure nonsense. 15) This was actually 14, I can not tell if I want to be a writer, or if I am just narcissistic, and for that matter if I even have the ability to be a writer. I mean, I say I mean a lot and my mind wanders. I mean honestly, who reads this shit. I am done. Fuck that was long.