Ive said this before

I wish I could stop entertaining these fantasy's of escape, these dreams of freedom, but they always come back. It sucks, because I know I can not go through with them no matter how intensely I plan them out. I went as far as marking off a trail and figuring out a way to budget money to last me for a year, but the hideous truth is I am scared. It is not that I am scared for my life or anything like that, but I am terrified of disappointing people of being a "failure." I mean I made a commitment to college and quitting would be failing, no matter how amazing it might sound. Its not that I do not like college, I love it, but I can not shake this feeling I totally feel like I am just settling. I have gotten to comfortable, to content with what I am doing. I can not leave it though, I have to follow through I always follow through. I am stuck because I am trained to be stuck. This is what I believe is right for me and no matter how hard I try to convince myself that I am not cut out for college, not cut out for biology, I always find a reason to stay, because I have always "known" I have to. This is the thing I will not drop out of college, I cannot drop out of college because this is where I have been trained to believe I belong and I cannot fight that programming. It may not feel right, but it is. I am starting to think this is not a good thing, but I refuse to let myself try any other option.