Happy New Years

I feel like vomiting, but I have nothing to vomit. I feel regret, remorse, shame failure. I sit alone in my empty house, I am throwing away nintey percent of what I own. I just can not take this anymore. In 365 days I have accomplished absolutely nothing. My conscious is making me feel empty inside, im not nauseous, I just want to vomit. I have no idea what I am doing or why, but every single thing I pick up goes right into the garbage. I have filled up three bags. I just want to move on, its impossible, I can not just move on, but it is all I want. I just want to forget all the times I fucked up this year. I want to forget the friends I am losing, I want to forget my sub par academic performance, I want to take out a loan and forget the debt I am burying myself in, I want to forget all the times I shattered my independence to ask for money, I want to forget my commitments, I want to forget all the people I fucking let down. I cant because everything I look at reminds me that I have accomplished nothing this year, in fact I have accomplished relatively little in my entire life. So instead of getting a fresh start, which is relatively impossible and borderline illegal, I am simply erasing the bad parts of my life, actually I am just blocking them out of my mind. I am trying to focus on the good but everythime I do, I realize how pointless those good times were, how shallow, how fleeting. My resolution stop depending on other people, it only leads to failure. It is time to finally focus on what I want to do, the friends that meet me halfway, I keep, the ones who continue to push away, fuck them, they are only holding me back. I just want to get drunk and forget all these fucking mistakes.