I love you more.

I close my eyes.
I can barely remember your face. I cant remember how tall you were. I don't know what your hands look like anymore, your feet escape me, they were smaller than mine. A lot of your memory is fading, but there are things that I see when I close my eyes that I can never forget. I can close my eyes and see your smile, your long brunette hair, uncut for god knows how long. I remember your voice I can still hear it singing to me and I can here your laugh, genuine and happy. I can imagine you telling me that you love me, me telling you I love you more, and you replying with love you more than more, and us gong on and on. I remember how when I went to bed I would get a kiss on the lips, then on the nose, then on the lips again, when I was younger it was our secret, "kiss code," and I never grew out of it. I feel guilty when I miss you, how selfish of me to miss you, I spent a long time with you and I would not trade the time we had together for anything n the world, I was blessed. But I must not think of only myself. What about you? You were a year away from graduating college, you were going to be a teacher for troubled youth. How can I be sad about not having you, when there were so many other lives you were unable to touch. You had so many goals you never got to finish. So many great things you were destined for kids to see graduate high school, kids to move into college, to miss dearly, to see get married. Grand-kids to spoil. You had your whole life ahead of you, you never saw 45, but you never really got any older than 25, you were young, vibrant, and happy. You were a free dreamer, you were me, but you waited, played the game, started over and before you got to make your next move it was over. I admire you and I promise to live my life the way you wanted to live yours. Happy 52nd birthday, mom. A day will never pass where I do not think of you and smile. I love you.