And the stairs that you could climb are the ones you've left behind

I feel like I am being really needy lately but I am not happy for prolonged periods of time. I am happy for moments, for discrete periods of time. But in between these bursts of happiness I am sad, really sad. And its not strange and its not weird its obvious to me why I am sad, and it fucking sucks. Its everything I run from, everything I have been trying to avoid. I am sad because I do not belong anywhere. I do not feel invested or connected to anyone or anyplace to want to stay. I have no one, I have nothing, and it is really starting to hurt me. I thought falling in love, getting attached, and investing myself were the things that would end up hurting me, keeping me somewhere I didn't need to be. Yet, it seems the opposite is happening. I just want someone to care about me, and I know that sounds like I am ungrateful, or stupid because I know there are people who care about me, who genuinely want me to be happy and successful, but that just is not what I mean. I want something more than my family members who have not tried to call me in just around a month, I want friends who I am unable to lose touch with, I want more than just a fuck buddy party head. I want the sister who used to call me everyday. I want a dad who comes up here to winter proof my house. I want a mom that never ends a conversation without saying, "I love you." I want friends I feel I can tell everything to. I want siblings who want to visit and tear up the town. I want a best friend who knows how I feel without asking. I want to be able to tell a guy I love them, not just as friends, or when I'm drunk. I just want to start over somewhere new.