The nagging desire

I want to be that person everyone remembers, if they were friends with me or not. When looking back on their life, they will mention my name and knowingly sigh. They will remember what I did, what I said, what I changed, what I stood for. There are three ways to become so timeless. I either have to do something really bad, and be hated for all eternity, do something really good and be revered for all eternity, or I have to luck out and do the right thing, in the right place, at the right time and be small talk for eternity. The first one is defiantly out I do not think I can be that terrible ever. The last one is out, because there will always be those people who think, she was not that awesome she just lucked out. So I am stuck with the hardest path to achieve, and there is no guarantee I will make it. It actually almost guarantees my failure. I guess though I will have to live with the odds being so against me. My only real motivation in life has come from trying to prove people wrong anyway. The problem right now is I see the end, and I am at the beginning but I have no idea how to connect the dots. I do not know what I want to do. I can see many ways to be happy, but none of them help me reach my irrational goal. I really wish that I did not have a desire to inspire people or improve the world, because as much as I want to I do not know how to and I do not want to try and figure it out. I know it is human nature to want to help, but I really hope it is not this intense for everyone. So the desire is always there nagging at me asking if I have thought of anything yet, asking me what I am going to do with my life, asking me to satisfy it. I cant. I just do not know how. I am honestly beginning to think that it is not what I am destined for at all, and it both kills and relieves me. My whole life is a contradiction.