Wierd

I paid my tuition.
I changed my major.
My financial holds are lifted.
I finished one of my papers.
I am not doing horribly in any class.
I made a payment on my credit card.
I have got good plans for this weekend.
I mean all and all I am being productive and getting stuff done.
Why do I not I feel any better?

I just feel off

Every time I go work at my shitty mp job it makes me really sad and I miss the summer. I dislike the hustle and bustle of the real world. I dislike having to think about money. I dislike having to go to classes and having to learn what I am told to. Its happening again I am starting to feel trapped. Today was just a terrible day. I want to run. I do not know what I want. I do not want to leave, I just want everything to be sorted out, so I can be irresponsible again. I want to be an environmental science major and I want to row everyday again, and I want to get shitty when I want to get shitty. I want to run. I want to go camping. I want to climb things. I just want everything to be slightly different but the same. I am done with the classes I am in, I want a change. I just need something slightly different. I want to run. I want to feel productive. I want it to be tomorrow and I want tomorrow night to work out, and I want the weekend to go well, and I want it to be next weekend. I need to chill out. I need to run. I do not have time to run. I missed my chance I only ran 2 miles I could have done more. Dammit.

Shine

Thank you for always believing in me. Thank you for always trusting me. And thank you for finally letting me know.

Changing?

I do not like to stay up late on weekdays?
I am majoring in environmental science?
I want to be in a relationship?
I like to run?

Seriously... what happened to me?
Something great?

sorry

I had to disappoint someone tonight, I am sorry it had to be you this time. Really your plans sound great but I already had something to do, I wish you would have told me in advance. Now I feel like shit. I will make it up to you later, I promise.

Bring it back

I really miss our "shenanigans," and I really miss you, all of you guys. I need a little bit of last year. I feel like all my busyness is coming to an end and I am worried that now that I have time, you wont. I know we can find the time, all of us.

Float on

My life. Crew is coming to an end, our last regatta was yesterday, we have two more weeks of time on the water and then were done until the spring. I have an exam in 44 minutes and another at seven, but I feel pretty good about them. I hate work a lot, but once crew is over I need to pick up a lot more hours. This weekend is going to be amazing, crew party on Thursday, make a difference day on Saturday, lemon run on Sunday, and every other night is open for interpretation. Its my first weekend in Marquette since awhile ago and I can not wait to hang out with all the people I love and have been neglecting. I am not sure that I want to go home for Thanksgiving, but once again feel obligated. Still have not paid my tuition, but I think I might be working it out, maybe. Anyone want to lend me 3,500? I think I am doing pretty well in all of my classes. I have not done anything to stupid or misleading while under the influence in awhile, and I think I healed a relationship. My sister is being sucky, but my dad is actually being really supportive right now, it kind of freaked me out. Overall I am really stressed, but I think I am still rather happy with my life as a whole once I figure out tuition, I think I will be overjoyed again.

I just love everything.

Free time

What am I going to do next week?

I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this,
I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this, I am better than this. I am better than this.
Am I better than this?

Inertia

An object in motion stays in motion. Unless it crashes head first into an immovable object. Then the object is fucked, straight fucked.

Advice

I really wish that you would talk to me. I can help you. I know exactly what you went through, I went through some of it with you. I have this uncontrollable urge to try and save people, and I know that if you let me I could save you. I know something is not right with you, so drop the charade and just let me in. Seriously, you do not have to "be strong" for me, you are lying to yourself, to me. Everyone goes through shit, but you do not have to go through it alone. Whenever you are ready, I am here.

Cheers!

You are pathetic. I am glad whatever we had meant even less to you then it did to me. At least I was drunk.

butterflies

I am so nervous. My first real regatta. I do not even know what to expect. I want to win, but I hope I have fun, but mostly I want to win. Like I said though, I do not really know what to expect as far as competition goes. Five thousand meters. I am nervous. I want to win.