look at the moon, see how it shines for you?

Tonight the moon is enormous, it is beautiful, breath taking. Its brightness is only heightened by its enormous size. I wish I could just go outside and stare at it's lunar majesty, envy the explores who stepped foot on its unknown, foreign surface, but I can not, it makes me sick. I was just outside staring up into it wondering how anyone would rather do something else then stare at it's magnificence, I got really really depressed. As I stared I realized how small, how insignificant I am, in comparison with the universe, I am dust in the corner. The vastness of everything the incomprehensible amount of space, going on forever in all directions. We will never hit a wall we will never find a logical spot where existence stops, that is if we exist at all. Normally I can come up to some logical sound conclusion that explains what I do not understand, this is not that case. Logic can only go so far it only fills so much of the emptiness. When all the logic is used up some people use faith, they say it makes them feel complete, feel whole, feel significant. I tried it once, twice, a million times. I have tried so many times to fill this emptiness, this unknown, this infinity. In and out of every kind of church, independent religion, life philosophy, moral code, logic. Nothing works. I just can not take this feeling, I know it will pass, it always passes, but it always comes back. It comes back and it comes back worse and worse, more and more intense. I want that carelessness I want that faith. I want to believe in something, anything. I want fucking religion, I want meaning, I want purpose, I want answers.