My "religion" in a nutshell

The big bang, spontaneous generation, and evolution/natural selection are the only things I truly believe in anymore. The universe contains 400 billion billion stars many of which are the center of solar systems similar to our own, this is believed to be true. That means life was just a one in 400 billion billion chance. Steep odds but Earth just happened to have all the elements life needed to exist. Somewhere during the planet's formation the right chemicals were stewing around and maybe they were hit by an electrical storm, which were believed to occur often in pre-fossil record earth, and the amino acids formed into nucleic acids and life just became. Spontaneous coincidence. I mean with 400 billion billion stars one of the planets orbiting one of the stars or one of the moons orbiting one of the planets orbiting one of the stars was bound to get lucky and play host to what is known as life. Anyway after life became a prokaryote was eventually consumed by a slightly larger prokaryote. When not fully digested, a mutualistic relationship was formed eventually leading to the eukaryote. The eukaryote grew, adapted, mutated and branched away in many directions, each direction growing adapting and re-branching. This resulted in all the things currently living in our biosphere. Ideally evolution would continue unchecked. I guess this is were the religion comes in. I can either believe that it was just random luck that the Human race developed complex thought out of sheer coincidence or I can give credit to some mystical being. As of now I consider it random because there is evidence that many other species have developed forms of complex thought. They can solve problems, use tools, form hierarchies, etc. True, no other species has evolved to the point of philosophy, art, or religion, but maybe we just have not waited long enough. I think it is cool that I think I have figured it out but the thing is I want to believe in a creator. Unfortunately to do so would be to believe that this creator somehow set evolution in process just to create the human race. This is a thing I can not believe because all species continue to adapt and evolve, if the human race was the ultimate goal, natural selection should cease. Yet it is cleat that only the "fit" seem to survive in the natural world. Evolution is continuing to occur even in the human race. So if there is a creator, I can only believe in them if they A) did not choose homo sapien sapien as their ultimate goal or B) started off this project, "earth," got bored and left. Both theories are highly unlikely, way less believable then random chance, and not very comforting. So my religion is to remain in a state of suspended disbelief. It is funny I started this blog denouncing the randomness of the world only to find further truth in it. Regardless I am still not happy and plan on continuing this search for higher power, no matter how depressed it makes me.

Theres so many colors without the dirty window

Sun, a chemical reacting ahead above then gone behind, and thus are days and time and our movement/spaces are defined. We finish in the dark.

I never should have been set free

I think I fucked up and I think I fucked up on purpose. I got all this freedom when I went to college and I think I abused it. I want to live fast, but I do not want to die young. I think I need to be, "responsible." Maybe it is just bad luck, but I think it is more, I think it is the last ten months catching up to me. In tangible ways like money, academics, and relationships, but also in like karma, luck, and mental stability. I do not even know. One thing goes right for me and it seems like ten things go wrong, it is like this uneven balance. I mean I am just complaining but honestly why does everything have to go wrong at once. I really thought I had stuff sorted out, like I really really thought I was in the right place. A month ago I was done with all this identity, purpose, meaning crisis shit, but its back and its pretty intense. Its not just bad luck something is wrong, something is unbalanced. I hope I can fix this. I want to get back to that good place, because being confused and despondent sucks. I mean I honestly thought I had it all figured out, but I can not ignore the fact that it obviously is not working. I mean something is wrong, getting worse. I am legitimately worried about this, like worried for my life. I just need to like regain my footing. Shit, this does not sound like I want stability does it?

blog

So my eyes hurt and the thought I need to convey needs to be slept on. Normally they do not make to much sense, but if I tried to explain this right now I would sound insane.

The earth is my mother

It was referring to the exhibit, but it applies to earth. An evolving planet continues a non-evolving planet ceases to exist. Every living thing is connected through evolution, life has an origin, we have a common ancestor. We are evolving and we will continue to evolve, for if evolution ceases, life will soon cease as well. The planet is constantly changing and the life on the planet whether aware of its habitat's changes must adapt to them. Evolution is the only thing that makes sense to me anymore. It might be the only thing I believe to be true, I hope that is not sad as it sounds. At any rate, I think it is time for a change in major. Bye ecology, hello evolutionary biology.

Constant over-exaggerated significance

I do not think it is a coincidence, anymore. I am still just going to ignore it.

?A?7?????ozz\ ??e? v??s

So last night I blogged over my phone, this is what it sent:
Monday, March 1, 2010
?w?LO??sP? ???vy z???w} ???t ????? t?^ ??a??Lv??ay?? ???4 $???g4 D ??yP?N/???? DG???4 ??Act?}.?]?+:L ?A??? r?? y9????dPz J?? ?? ??? i??MO??d ] ??a??< ??a:??????vx] ???6(?n??t?? ??????? ??p}^ ?A?7?????ozz\ ??e? v??sP?>???e?;L???l ?7 ]????7?] ??a?9?>??l6??.???v? J?A?? M ??s:H\ ???;? J?Act?}N??.??? ?????? %????M ?A?0 DG??g??< ??eP n??o:?????i? ????l3h? ??i?? J?A

Chicago is meh as I predicted, maybe it is the self fulfilling prophecy, maybe I am to cool for Chicago. That second part was a joke. I think the problem is the people I am with are way to content hanging out in the hotel room. I mean it is 9:18 Chicago time it takes us twenty minutes to a half hour to get downtown, but still we sit in the hotel room doing nothing. Like it matters when we go downtown, no matter when we get there no one is going to want to do anything that is not super cliche touristy. I think this means that I have changed, I use to write it off as everyone else changing but I think these people have not changed at all, maybe is it possible that it is just me?