Why?

Why is just one word. Three tiny letters, but somehow it is the hardest question to answer and our favorite question to ask. As children one day we realize the relationship between cause and effect. We realize that things do not happen completely independently of one another. Now we probably do not understand that we realize this but one day we start asking why and we do not stop. We realize that every because must happen because of something else which in turns happened because of something else. From this moment on we are relentless torturing whatever poor soul may fall into our never ending circle of, "why," "because," "but why." Our once carefree existence begins to shift into a never ending search for purpose. Maybe I am being over dramatic, definitely I am using this as a super vague intro to explain my, "because" to the, "why" I hear from all I interact with lately. Panama? It is probably at the very core, stripped down as small as it can be, guilt. I can barely comprehend how privileged the life I have lived thus far has been. Every single, "obstacle" I have overcome, every hardship, hurdle, tragedy represents nothing more than an inconvenience in comparison with the hardships those living different lives than I endure every single day. I grew up with a roof over my head constantly. I grew up never concerned when or if I would eat again. I was never afraid to drink water. Never fearful of disease. Never burdened with being a parent before I was an adult. I received over 16 years of formal education and only payed for 4 of those years. My life has been easy and if I believed in that sort of thing I would say I was blessed. I was lucky, I won the genetic and geographic lottery. There were people who got more than me, and there were people who got a lot more than me. And instead of living my life in a miserable envy of those people, I have chosen to turn my attention to the people who have gotten nothing. Those people that cant even comprehend a statement like, "I said no whip on my grande latte #firstworldproblems" And I am exaggerating and I do graciously admit to having my own first world problems and being really incredibly selfish, but I am choosing to change my perspective and recognize myself as someone with a lot to give. Why Panama? Because it is time to pay it forward. The best way to, in my opinion, not to waste every opportunity I have been afforded is to pass on as many opportunities as I can to those who may not have been as lucky. There is a ladder, this is a metaphor, the top is symbolically good as usual and the bottom is symbolically not so good. Some people have ambition and determination and they climb that ladder to the top, never looking back, stepping on a few heads and fingers and toes. Some people have ambition and determination and they climb down that ladder and they help those who do not know how to climb, and maybe those people will never get very high, but they will guide so many people to a level on that ladder they have never even dreamt of. Metaphors are often flawed. Success is not on top of the ladder, success is in the mind and a little in the heart and a lot in the spirit if you believe in that. In fact the ladder is like megapixels in a camera after about ten you aren't going to notice a change in picture quality unless you blow every picture up to the size of a small island in the South Pacific. Metaphors can be used to explain metaphors. I am not trying to change the world, I am not trying to save the world. I am just trying to do the best I can with what I have. I am not going to say that I am not materialistic, I am not going to pretend that I have figured out the meaning of life. I believe there is more too life that accumulating wealth and jet setting around the globe and there is not a feeling quite as good as realizing you have helped someone. I am just putting two and two together. Also there is a lot to be said about the passion I have for conservation, but that is ultimately a secondary reason for service. I am more than excited about how much my 27 months in Panama will teach me and my only hope is that I can teach the people I will be serving as much as I am sure to learn from them. Is dreamt really not a word?