Cheers

To everyone that I used to know.
I am a human being, a dynamic entity not only capable of change, but dependent on it. I am sorry that things are not the way they used to be, try as hard as I can, I will still never be able to be the past. I am beyond that, I am no longer my memories. Memories are memories, moments that at one point in time may have existed but now hold little more merit than a dream. I have known fun times in my life and I have known sad times in my life, and the one thing that remains constant through all these events in my life is my ongoing ability, predisposal rather, to come out of each new situation changed, for what I can only imagine is the better. If I had experienced no change I feel as though a new experience would never be possible, and then what would life be? It is with this that I ask, why does everyone so fear change? Why do people stand aside and whisper, "Wow, college has really changed them," like it is some sort of tragedy? The tragedy in life is to not change, to not experience every new moment as just that. I would never want a friend who stays the same forever I would rather surround myself with people as dynamic as I am. Unfortunately, it has become clear to me through a dramatic correlation between date of visit to Flint and amount of people willing to spend time with me, that perhaps not everyone feels the same. I understand that I am not around often and growing apart happened, but it is going to be a really long month if I have to kick a soccer ball around in my backyard alone everyday.

Letter of hire.

I have to admit it I am actually pretty nervous.

I am done.

Seriously.
Not doing this for a long time.

So,

I am getting tired of these people, and tired of this scene. I do not want to go home but I am happy about a change, I need to find people willing to go on periodic camping trips with me. I just hope this weekend turns out nice, i would rather go out with a bang then, well, how my weekends sometimes go.

All I do is win.

I am drinking a very generously prepared rum and coke right now. Heavy on the rum easy on the coke. It is truly disgusting how amazing my tolerance for rum is, I never thought I would be able to shoot anything straight faced.
Its Wednesday night and I am alone. And I am stressed.
I decided it would help me to write these two papers on smooth jazz that I procrastinated off until just now. The problem is they are basically on the same thing and I have to make them sound different. I am fucked, but at least I will be tipsy as I type out 4000 suckish words that are all lies.
The end of the semester: A week from tomorrow.

Damn son

I have nothing profound to say because nothing profound has happened.
The only thing on my mind right not is why I have not received a letter of hire for this summer yet, even though I was told I got the job, and what it would mean if I never got one. I will be straight fucked, another unemployed flintoid.
I am going to make a phone call soon, if I can muster up the courage.
Ten days til I am a Junior, Jesus Christ.
Life, funny.

Oh geeze

All those little tiny things, when they all get together are not longer so little and tiny. I always seem to do this to push things off, til they can no longer be put off. Then they just stew on the back-burner unnoticed until they grow to large, until they consume everything. It is only then that I realize I have to deal with them, then that these tiny little problems become monsters in my life. The time has now come to deal with them, unfortunately I have major tasks I am attempting to undergo in my life right now that are consuming a large majority of my time. This is a new situation for me, with so many large tasks consuming my time, it is hard for me to find time to tackle these tiny monsters, I have faith in myself and will try to not let these things get the best of me. It is going to be a stressful last week of college, and stressful week of exams to to follow, and a most likely rather stressful first week of summer. I have faith, however, that after that I will have worked things out, and can continue being.

Sink

I wish I did not have to remind myself constantly to not give up on humanity. It is just hard to see the good when the majority is so very bad and the ones, perceived as good that I pull close keep letting me down. It is unfair to give up on humanity. Humanity by definition is not perfect, they are only being human. I am human, I after all am humanity.

Let it go

There will always be an asshole on a power trip around to put you in your place and tell you what is right.

Shes fighting with the sky

It is like when ever stuff starts going good, whenever I get good at something, whenever I get the hang of life, it comes time for a change. After taking a whole year to get into the swing of college life again, I finally get a system worked out and it is going to be useless in three weeks. At first I was annoyed, having to start over again trying to find a way to live for a month, and then having to restart again, but then I realized if things were not this way I would go insane. Life is nothing without change. There is no point of mastering something and then doing it over and over again as close to perfect as humanly possible. When I master something, it comes time for me to find something new and exciting to repeatedly fail at until I start to get the hang of it. As much as life is about success, it is doubly about failure, the process of trial and error. Change is a necessary driving factor, one can not let themselves get to comfortable, getting comfortable leads to settling and settling is another word for giving up. So, yeah, I have got shit figured out pretty well right now, but I cannot wait to cut all ties with this comfortable secure routine I have going and jump headfirst into something I know approximately nothing about. I used to be terrified of failure, of letting myself, or anyone down, not doing the things I set out to do, but eventually it came to me, failure is not what people make it out to be. Failure is not flunking an exam, or getting fired, or dropping out of college, these things are just changes, it is what one does after that defines whether or not they have failed. We can not assume all people have the same values, and we must stop belief in the notion that things like promotions and college degrees are steps towards success. The only thing that is a true failure is giving up on yourself, settling. Life is good, not because it is easy but because it is dynamic.

Pray for the people inside your head

I hate flaky people. I wish being 21 was not an excuse to ditch your friends. I swear to god I will not be an asshole when I am 21.

Strive

There will always be someone living a far more spectacular life.

I trust you

I really wish I knew what I told you last night. I guess I know what you told me I said. I do not open up to people very easily, I have some major trust issues that I have been trying to work out. I have been hurt by people I have been close to a lot. Honestly I do get drunk word vomit, but I do not tell people my secrets unless I care about them. I hope I am not misjudging this friendship. I really like having someone to talk to.

Passion

I wish everyone felt the way I do about this. At least everyone on the team.